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An Untitled Piece

An Untitled Piece

By Kelli Lair

            She fought back tears as she pulled it out of her special hiding place.  The metal glistened in the light as she sat turning it in her hands.  All the pain she has been feeling for weeks rushed over her as the tears fell faster to the floor.  This was all she knew; pain, torment, stress, and fear.  They never left her side no matter where she was.  There were ways to get away from it all, but she has done it so many times, when is it going to working?  This was all she knew.  She also knew it isn’t healthy or good, but it’s too much to handle this week.  As she though about getting away from it all she smiled for the first time since…the last time…

            The last time her friend found out and was scared to death.  She didn’t understand.  No one understands how the blade fixes her problems for a short while.  They know she did it last time.  They look at the scars and then slide away like she is a freak.

            This time she doesn’t care.  Everything is changing and they will forget about her after high school anyways, why would she care?  They are the ones making her life this way.  She doesn’t know that people really do care about and love her.  How would she?  She has blocked anyone from getting near her any more because she doesn’t want to get hurt again.  She runs when people try to get close.

            She pulled up her long sleeve and looked at the blade once more.  This is routine, it’s habit, there is nothing new.  She shuts her eyes and bites her lip to keep quiet.  The pain is what releases the pain she has been feeling.  Then she feels the blood run down her arm and hears a gasp.  Looking up she sees her sister watching her.  She gets up off her bed, walks over the to door, and shuts it all the while looking disgusted with the young girl.

            Little did she know her sister looked up to her for guidance and what she saw that day was the only way she had seen to deal with life and conflict.  Here sister had no idea that what she had seen was going to ruin her life.  All she knew she loved her older sister and whatever was good for her must be good enough.  Something, however, didn’t seem right.

            A few days later a knock came at the door.  She hid the knife under her pillow and called for the visitor to come into the room.  Her baby sister opened the door meekly and sat down next to her.  They sat in silence looking at their hands in their laps.  Her sister looked up at her knowingly and looked back at the long sleeves that were covering the scars.  She reached out and pulled up the sleeve to reveal them.  She looked in amazement at the sheer number of them and drew her finger across many.  Then she looked at her own long sleeves and pulled one up.  The girl looked and knew right then and there that she was loved and shouldn’t be doing this any more.  What was on the little girl’s arm?  Was there scars from her own cutting experience?  No…

            “I love you.  Please stop hurting yourself!  I look up to you, and I LOVE YOU. <3”